my favourite tweets
I dont have to go to school tomorrow… so naturally I’m wasting my time on something totally stupid. For example, going through all my “favourite” tweets and picking the best ones!
kburnn
“what does it say?”…”mother?” “i saw ‘dour’ ” “yeah me too”
petewentz
im thinking you should always wear something you love everyday. cause you might get hit by a bus and who wants to die in sweatpants.
JackAllTimeLow
@AlexAllTimeLow I did a PH test on your semen last night. You’re looking at a 3. Highly Acidic. Stop drinking OJ.
nicksantino
Ya like deg’s? … Deg’s? Yeah deg’s. .. Oh dogs!
GabrielSaporta
today was not a good hairday for the jews
nicksantino
Jesse McCartney is the balls.
erinelisabeth
Dad, how can i get good at baseball without a lot of worms?
erinelisabeth
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Shaantastic
Push my buttons and I’ll just switch to a zipper. Ain’t no thang.
NeilHaskell
A kid just ran through a doorway in the store at ikea shouting “I hope this isnt a mirror” had it been a mirror, it would have been awesome
gretamorgan
Reminder: life is too short to hang out with people you don’t like.
SaraBareilles
Sometimes caffeine makes me feel like an all-powerful genie who can accomplish everything I ever need to do in a half hour.
nicolerichie
The good news: BJ won the fight. The bad news: his name is BJ so he lost in life
justinbrighten
In love I was created and in love is how I hope I die
justinbrighten
have a little confidence, you’re better than you think you are!
erinelisabeth
I will never talk to you again until you look at this ball sack
erinelisabeth
Put all the orange is in the fridge
erinelisabeth
Talk to you topmmorow babe goodnight xoxo
keltiecolleen
Stop dancing with ghosts. Yesterday is dead: bury it and be done with it.
erinelisabeth
Hey dumbass we are at your home. Jeremy says he’s gonna do your mom if you don’t get here soon
iamjonathancook
if you’re feelin like you are at the end of your rope tie yerself a knot and hold on
